Penelope's Cars

Penelope has always been a lover of fine automobiles, and with her
salary, she has always been able to afford whatever car struck her
fancy.  The problem, however, is that an extensive amount of
modification must be made to any car she chooses to drive.  With her
current weight of 5300 lbs., Penelope outweighs most cars currently
made today!  When she sits in the driver's seat of an unmodified car,
the tires usually burst, and the frame bends to conform to the shape of
her mighty Butt.  Even if this doesn't happen, the engine is rarely
powerful enough to move her and the vehicle down the street!  As with
most race cars, a car modified for her use barely resembles the stock
version under the skin; the chassis, engine, and drivetrain have to be
extensively modified, as well as the steering column and
wheel, the gear shift lever, and the pedals.  She also has it designed
so that the effort required to turn the steering wheel, shift the
gears, and depress the pedals is so great that no one other than
another B.P.A. woman could possibly drive the car.  

Penelope has even designed the electrical system so that only another
H.F.B. woman with an analytical breast could even start the car, let
alone drive it; in fact, there are no H.F.B. women
strong enough, nor are there any B.P.A. women with a powerful enough
breast capable of driving any of Penelope's cars, except herself.  When
the Dodge Viper was introduced a few years ago, Penelope wasted no time
calling her garage and ordering ten models to be customized to her
specifications.  In her words "It's a very muscular-looking
car--perfect for me.  Now it just needs to perform as well as it looks.
 I'm a very powerful and muscular girl, and I need a car that reflects
my image.  The Viper is perfect."  Well, this is no small order, since
the car has to be sturdy enough to handle her body and her strength,
perform well enough and fast enough to suit Penelope's strict demands,
all the while getting the fuel economy necessary to operate the car
flat-out for at least three hundred miles between fill-ups with a gas
tank small enough to fit unobtrusively underneath the car!  Penelope
has no concern for gas mileage, but she will not make fuel stops any
more often than any other driver would have to.  Much to the surprise
of the engineers, Penelope had no problem with her car requiring no
less than J-4 jet fuel, and would have to fill-up at the nearest
airport if she were too far from home, where she has two ten thousand
gallon fuel tanks underneath her own private garage and gas station. 
Naturally, every airport in the U.S. and across the globe has
graciously allowed her unlimited access, 24 hours a day, seven days a
week, to as much fuel as she wants.  The last thing any airport manager
wants is an angry Penelope around all of those very expensive
airplanes!  The engine in these cars is an engineering masterpiece; it
had to be, considering the power requirements, and the small space to
work with.  Under the hood is a 600 cubic inch V-10, capable of
developing over 2000 horsepower!  The engine is wound so tight, that
daily maintenance is essential; Penelope understood this, and
immediately raised her order to 50 cars.  In addition, she has hired a
staff of 30 highly trained mechanics that will keep the entire stable
of Vipers, plus her 100 or so other cars in tip-top shape.  The other
cars include Corvettes, Ferraris, Lamborghinis, and other exotics, all
continually modified to handle Penelope's ever-growing body.  

Penelope employs hundreds of people, as any wealthy person does, but
her mechanics probably have the toughest jobs of all.  All of them are
extremely well paid, but the demands she places on them, and the
overall difficulty of the work, combine to make it one of the most
stressful jobs in the world.  For one thing, she is constantly getting
bigger and stronger, and they never know from one day to the next which
car she may decide to drive.  This means that as soon as a size and
strength increase occurs, the driver's seat in every car has to
be adjusted, the pedals and shifters have to be tightened, and the
engine may have to be tuned for even greater horsepower.  Not only
that, but every car she drives will require some sort of repair after
every outing.  Considering that a large portion of every trip she takes
in a car is at speeds over 100 m.p.h., and that the car has to do that
with a 5300 pound driver with a 72 inch muscle Butt, and the physical
strength of over 8000 men--it's a wonder how any car, no matter how
sturdy, could survive a day's driving with Penelope at the wheel.  Most
of the time they do, thanks to the exhaustive preparation each car goes
through.  All of Penelope's employees are extremely well paid, even
down to the janitor, but the constant level of stress they must endure
has to be crippling.  The reason?  Always worrying about whether or not
Penelope will be pleased with their work, is what keeps her employees
constantly striving for excellence.  NOBODY wants to see Penelope mad
about anything, and since her cars is her favorite mechanical hobby,
those mechanics are in a constant state of fear.  

Even after a light, two-hour drive, it can take the mechanics up to
three days to repair the damage caused by the 5300-pound driver.  For
example, despite the fact that the
transmissions in her cars are heavily modified, she is so strong that
she accidentally tore the entire transmission out of one Viper while
she was trying to find reverse!  Fortunately for the
mechanics, there are plenty of Vipers around, because that repair job
took almost six days of around-the-clock work!  Every time they see her
huge, muscular body poking around in the garage, every mechanic on duty
starts to tremble, wondering if she will find something she doesn't
like about one of the cars.  One time, Penelope walked over to the
garage right after a workout, so she was wearing a skimpy exercise
outfit, and her big muscles were all pumped-up.  Several of the newer
mechanics had never seen Penelope dressed this way, nor had they seen
the incredible muscular definition and size her monstrous Butt and
thighs take on after a workout, and three of them nearly died from
heart palpitations and hyperventilation!  All of them recovered, but
the emergency room doctors said that their erections didn't relax for
several hours afterward!  Penelope giggled about this, but later warned
her chief mechanic that she would not stand for any oversexed employees
on his staff; "I pay you guys a lot of money to keep my cars in tip-top
shape, twenty-four hours a day, and that's it.  I am tens of thousands
of times stronger than you guys, and I will use my strength to maintain
discipline around here.  If any of your guys feels he is man enough to
take me on, let him try.  I suggest, though, that you keep the phone
number to the city morgue handy, as paramedics don't handle corpses."